Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I hate Kelroy Wee. her post made my eyes watery. U should feel glad, I read post. hah. I hate Joachim, for saying such words to make me so dumbfounded. I hate U, for not able to let go, to move on. I hate you, for being there, for me, going through so much more..2day wasnt a good day for me, yesterday midnight was, worse.
I dunno where should I start. okay, I'm actually stuck with my words, I actually typed, and backspace and typed and backspace again and again.
I hate everything now. how stuck I am feeling.
1. "maybe we'll drift.." is still in my mind. it hurts to see those words coming out from U. what have we promised? about we gonna be there for each other no matter what? and the next msg came by.. "I miss you, a lot.." why. why this and then that? hurt me then melt me. why.
2. "I just wanna let you know.. I'm still holding onto you. not letting go yeah.." is also in my mind now. if there's no feelings in the very starting, why start? true enough. I guess there's so much more, than just this. something for me to find out, for you to tell me more..
3. why, are those posts there. why aint U going anywhere till now. why. tell me. I dun like seeing U upset, U're my friend, my dear. and yet, U're thinking every night about things that.. somehow I cant know? or U dun wanna let me know cos U know my replies.. I'm sorry.
4. hate U most. why didnt U let me know. it's not too late still I guess. I belief in fate, I dun want things to change, either. U know how much everything mean to me, I know U know me well. friends, love, who's 1st, who's next, U know me inside out. U cherish everything, so do I..
5. "I'll keep this band glowing, & i'll smile each night, knowing you're with me, Xiaojun." tell me what does this mean? tell me now now now! I expect an explaination.. I stared at the band yesterday night, and it's glowing, so bright. I texted,"look at the band, every night. when it's glowing, means I'm still there. look, is it glowing now? I'm looking at mine, and it's still glowing bright." not forgetting this I'm sure. I swear it mean so much more, now. I'm hoping it'll glow every moment now, to know that U're there. I know U will be there, girl..
6. I hate today, for me, trembling all the way throughout. tell me why, am I so weak. I'm a loser. I'm lousy. go no where. nobody.
7. tell me why whenever I drink, it appears? why it appears and hurt me time and time again. why do people ask when they see it. it's like a knife stabbing me heart, esp when I'm alone.. without you.
8. maybe I'm.. not good enough.
I'm fine, soon.
11:33:00 PM
