well, I'm drop dead. but hmm. maybe after this post, people. 2day is kinda fruitful. I spent my saturday, ehh. wisely I guess. met shirley. and we went 4 a short shopping. cos we both wanna b home early 2 study. she bought what she wants, and I sorta bought what I want. LOL. my bag's good, alright! I know every1's gonna say it's ugly. but well, XIAOJUN LOVES IT! =))) and I'm buying another bag next week. yeahh. and save the rest of my money. I haven buy skinny jeans, shirts,watch, shades. orhh well well. save. =)) shirley and I were both drained. my back's aching like anything. wonder if I'm THAT old. lol. but well, cos I never like shopping. but I like buying things I want. lol. it's VINTAGE, baby~
back home and had 4 buns 4 dinner. super not fresh buns. lol. and a packet of milk. yum yum. that's all. cos lazy 2 buy. home and rest 4 a while. watched MTV! then started revising Social Studies. ahh. I dun wanna memorise. I cant. I go by logic, and maybe that's why I always didnt score. try, I'll try 2 memorise. I still got my sunday. =)) I didnt revise any other sub. due 2 my super short term of memory. but I'm doing lots and lots of practice papers. =))) all the best, to me and 2 every1 else.
didnt go Starbucks 2day. I miss Starbucks. and of cos missing a few of people. I mean.. yeahh. lalala. orhh! and I got those songs I want! lalala. so I'm feeling gd, cos I'm listening 2 songs I love. yuppy. but people dun like songs I like. =\\\ orhh well, it's like, but dun condemned them. thank you! =DDD
` BENJAMIN IS ASLEEP!
4:53:00 AM
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Let's get fucked up and die I'm speaking figuratively, of course Like the last time that I committed suicide, social suicide Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside, But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs, I have learned to love the lie
I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, notbelligerent I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense yeah Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong, And I need to get strong, and if memory serves, I'm addicted to words and they're useless
(In this department) Let's get fucked up and die I'm riding hard on the last lines of every lie, And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode, I'm about to explode I'm amess, I'm awreck I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings, Cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept
I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds And all the things that don't get old Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know It's the only way I have learned to express myself through other peoples' descriptions of life I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless
(In this department) Let's get fucked up and die For the last time with feeling we'll try not to smile As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights That still shock and surprise I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being, maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.
Sister soldier You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame If I could ever repay you, I would, but I'm hard up for cash And my memory lacks initiative
God damn the liquor store's closed, we were so close to scoring it hurts, it destroys 'til it kills I am tired and hungry and totally useless (In this department)
` let me say what I wanna say. listen to me till my very last sentence, will you?
11:52:00 PM
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
closer, closer. lean on me now, lean on me now.-
I'm like mugging and mugging after I'm back home. I'm down. I'm tired. I cant rest. sigh. I suddenly.. feel like crying, having so much 2 say.
D&T, Chinese. I cant even touch my POA. and and.. I haven finish my D&T. U know how much I spend on 1 idea? it's killing me alive. I didnt take nap 2day. I went gym with Marcus. every Tuesday, yupp. there's the only day I workout. even going Starbucks during weekends, I'm doing my work there. so does that makes any diff in life? I wish I have the time 2 enjoy coffee and catch up with friends. bringing a notebook, a pencil, a eraser, a story book. draw, drink, laughter. huhh. when can I have that. shit it. I'm not strong. not like what U guys always think. I'm super weak. weaker than any1 can think of.
SA1 coming. pretty soon. should cut down my midnight shows and.. Starbucks? bleahh. I cant have Peace at home anyway. what's the point? any1 can give me Peace? call me up! =\=\ ehh ehh. I'm feeling rather emo. nono, it's not usual. but well, just smile, xiaojun, no matter what.
`I somehow regretted. everytime you walked pass me, I didnt manage 2 say HI 2 you. I walked away without looking instead. I'm feeling kinda bad. but.. only I know the reason why. I don't know if I should bother, but I dun wanna give you troubles, I don't want any1 2 bring you down. so I rather you not knowing anything. I'll take it.
MusiK; without a reason.
a song 4 every1 of U here. =)
11:23:00 PM
Monday, April 23, 2007
you taught me how. you got me Happiness. so here I am, Being Happy bcos of you.(:
this picture, for you. let me show you the meaning ofHappy. let me teach you how to beHappy. Be Happy, with me.(:
12:48:00 AM
Sunday, April 22, 2007
this is silly. but I find this toy horribly cute. heh. =D
4:05:00 PM
using bro's laptop. and I make sure I upload lots and lots of pictures! hahaha.
I'm using this chance 2 update whatever thing I can. my blog shouldn't be this dead. I'm still gonna update whenever I can.
exams coming! I'm super dead. I dun think I can cope. I know these papers gonna b tough. I know nothing's gonna be easy. I'm trying so hard 2 cope. but still, I'm afraid. well prepared? NO. not prepared at all? NO. I'm dumb lahh. dunno what I'm saying. =\ just gonna try. I know I'm not going 2 pass all, but also, I dun wanna fail all! =((( chinese O level's coming! bleahh. I'm as well, afraid. madam tan predicted that there'll only b 1 distinction in my class. orhh no. it'll never gonna be me. haii. but I want a distinction so I can concentrate on the rest of my sub. let's not whine and get started, xiaojun. okay okay! boo. even if I dun get my distinction, I'll smile and congrates my friends. =)
surprisingly, orhh well. yes. I'm sms-ing now! haha. some1's not asleep 2. the ambience now in my room is.. GOOD! =) with sun yanzi's songs played. doing my work, sms-ing, updating stuffs online. great ehh. =) it's like.. super peaceful now. I love it, really.
I shitted. cos of 2 much spicy stuffs. and and and.. too much Lakerol? lol. I KNEW IT! I'm tired. but I dun wanna sleep. ahh! mark had Starbucks with me 2day rather than CoffeeBean! lalala. I love my Banana Java Chips Frapp! wahh hahah! try people, TRY! super banana lahh! =p try the cream base 1. yummy. I want MORE! hehe.
material list, MATERIAL LIST! super dead. =\=\
you always give me surprises.
to love or to hate you, you give me an answer.
5:07:00 AM
Friday, April 20, 2007
okay. my bro condemned my comp. and I'm using his bloody laptop now cos he's not at home. I'm shitty pissed. but what can I do? no 1 understands the feeling of losing all the music and memories in the comp. my band photos and photos with friends r gone. and never going 2 b back again. I got no music 4 a few days and that really making me sick. my mp3 player got flat yet I cant charge it. hate it. really cant stand it. life's hectic. I cant run away, I cant leave, then what? I'm tired. I'm really am.
you're the one that I trust and support me. thank you. (:
and the day when you need my help, trust me, cos I'll be there.
4:13:00 PM
Sunday, April 15, 2007
hello people! I'm AWAKE. hurr hurr. had been doing D&T. it's oo bright now! and quiet. err no, cos with my music on. woohoo. I'm a bit, yeahh, a bit sleepy already. mark just went home. he came over. we did D&T together. and nothing else! hahaha. yeahh. we crapped and slack 2. work, walk around, walk and walk around. D&T, really, inspirationsssssss. I'm dead. super. I'm afraid I dun have the time 4 the rest of my hmwk tooo. ahh! I wanna do my math, my phy, my chem, my chi, my eng, my D&T, my accounts. ahh. everything okay? =(((((((( I wanna study!
[imagine he's playing with these in Diva. orhh gosh. gayish? LOL.] and now, I'm chatting with this silly guy call JEREMY LEONG. *claps. hahaha. I decided 2 post his picture cos he's like.. SUPER CUTE IN THIS PICTURE. yeahh, only in this picture! lol. no lahh. okay, he's cute. and he insisted that he's ugly. =\ his sleepy timing's screwed. lol. we were like chatting now lahh. like long lost friend? hurrhurr. had been long since we last contact. he told me he's dumb, and lazy, so got 18 points 4 Os. imagine if he's hardworking? maddd. this is madd. superrrr irritating jeremy! boo.
super scary day. I woke up, saw 4 bananas on the table. I ate them. yummy! miss bananas mann! but I shitted after that. well, U know my lousy stomach. so I was thinking about bananas. was thinking why Starbucks got no bananas drink? =\ went IMM, campus superstar Geraldine just crossed my mind. went JE interchange, took the train. guess what, I SAW GERALDINE! super handsome. =x then went Starbucks, met Shirley. after I ordered my drink, I saw the staff's badge "Starbucks go BANANA!" then I was like curious. so I looked at the black bored. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! "NEW! JAVA CHIPS WITH BANANA FRAPP!" then I was like.. what~ and so I ordered the 2nd drink after my 1st. =\ BANANA lovers, the cream base 1 is super nice! yummy! I aint banana lover, just a fruits nuts. lol. yeahh yeahh. weird day.
okay. I'm bored.
*I wont 4get you, certainly not. I'll assure you that. miss you loads! =))))
7:24:00 AM
Friday, April 13, 2007
this is nnniiiiicccceeee, people. HEH. sun yanzi's SUPER cute lahh! and I love the way she is. sooo natural. the song's cool too. very relaxing. try! =)
I'm sick! go away from me. every1's sick I guess. my class can have about 3 people missing EACH DAY! how terrible that is luh! and I hope they'll get well soon. well, but I'm sick too. down with cough, flu and sore throat. some 1 must have started the "trend". HAHA. I cant stand it/ I'm feeling terriblely horrible. boohoo.
I'm drained! I am. finally, WEEKEND! well, lots 2 catch up. I know I NEED to. arghhhh. I'm like super tired all the time! HECTIC! I'm pissed with myself too. my eyes r giving me problems as well. it's painful. and swell at night. itch. arghh. it's getting smaller, I know. =\ I'm free on tues and sat, I hope I can get enough sleep then. and more time 4 studies than now.
it's over. shant blame any1. about anything, about everything.
#17 :)SwissWinds. ` we sounded really great. I aint lying. but it's okay. we did try our very best, and that's enough. that's the precious moment that should b kept in our hearts, now and 4ever. 9thApril2oo7. *MISSES.
"draw a LITTLE star beside it." [how little U want the star 2 b? asterisk can? LOL.] "there's a LITTLE box below." [yet the box is sooo big!] HAHA. how cute. =D
:)Let's wake up in the morning. Let's go to bed at night!
do I have 2 phrase everything out. 2 show every1 how I feel? cant I have some slience? cant U guys stop questioning. orhh well. if U want, can U guys just laugh, and pls go away after that. cos I'm disgusted. U guys r just making me more and more down. so, SHUT UP. pls go away b4 I flare. idiots. ENOUGH. BROKE DOWN TWICE. and so I dun wanna cry anymore. thank you. "why are you sad?" orhh. U'll know the reason why. every1 is soo sarcastic. so this is life? with insensitive people around? now I know how horrendous people can b. knowing how downcast U r, but still provoking U like nobody's business. I hate everyone! and so, start hating me.
maybe need a year, a month, a week 2 4get. or never. I still cant get over it. give me some PEACE, pls. it's getting annoying. I cant take it. I'm tired, I really am.
I'm stuck! with so much 2 say. I know so much. I know what's right and what's wrong. but I just cant say. I cant. I'm not supposed 2. but I'm super stuck! it's making me pissed. pissed with myself. I'm not siding any1. I dun want 2. I'm not changing any1, I dun wish 2. give me sometime 2 cool myself down. give me some space 2 move myself. give me some air 2 breathe. I'm suffering. it's hell. how can I not worry? how can I rest in Peace? when everything shows that I'm not done with it. some1 still needs my help. how can I leave? I cant.
am I being discouraging? are U guys 2 naive? but still, I cant. I choose 2 accept it. cos I know nothing can change the reality. isnt that so?
And I still love Swiss Winds.
12:01:00 AM
Saturday, April 07, 2007
cross country was fine. I dun like Japanese Garden! though it benefits me cos I live in Jurong. but it's just soo.. not fun! =\ I ran. okay, I did walked. I got position 92. arghh. I want that badge! =((( went sakae with Marcus and home 2 sleep. 4 an pathetic 1 hour, and I'm awake 4 band prac. maybe it depends on the mood of some1. when we r happy, we tend 2 play well. with passion. =))
GOOD FRIDAY. holiday. went shao mu. I miss my grandparents soooo much! where my grandfather never failed 2 buy me sweets whenever I visited him. never failed 2 call me every evening after sch. never failed 2 stroll with me whenever I stayed over. where my grandmother never failed 2 cook my fav food, even instant noodles by her were soo ambrosia and healthy. never failed 2 snatch back the small little pillow from my cousin whenever I stayed over and my cousin cried and cursed and swear at me! haha. and we r best cousins now. LOL. never failed 2 grab my hand when there's lion dance and broke her bracelet cos she ran with me. and the bracelet, I fixed it when I was 15. on my desk now, beside her picture. I really miss those days..
and while talking 2 twt boy just now, I miss being a Band Major. I miss the Band. I miss uploading documents. I miss.. err. no. I dun miss mrchew's and msseah's scoldings. haha. I miss those mistakes I made and I learn from it. I miss being the earliest 2 reach and the latest 2 leave. I miss getting the keys. I miss running here and there like mad dog just 2 get things done. I miss being the 1 who got all the responsibility. I miss being the 1 who did so much yet always hidden.. and so on. of cos, I pray real hard 4 a GWH on 9thapril2007. where 9thapril2006, I stepped down.
everything's so bit and pieces. but I'm missing everything.
I love you, you love me. =)
12:56:00 AM
Monday, April 02, 2007
the main purpose of upadating is 2 announce..I GOT A HAIR CUT! hahaha. yeahh. and it's kinda, SHORT. I love the change everytime. but I never like my new hair style. LOL. got it? =))) and of cos, I love this pic soo much. I wanna show every1. LOL. this is when I haven got my hair cut. LOL. big diff lahh. my head seems soo light now! hahaha. =\
a few precious in my life. You, You and more You. words can't describe - it's you. closest loved - it's you. closest bud - it's you. LOL ones - it's you and you. the rest are just strangers to me. I'm sorry 2 say this but.. really. and a few friends, with a few passerby. *I'm fine. yeahh I am. hope U're fine tooooo.
I MISS YOU. =((
12:31:00 AM
Sunday, April 01, 2007
my birthday was fine. simple. yet meaningful. I dont need a hundred of people 2 sing a birthday song and a cake right in front of me. I dun need a party full of alien humans. and so, I got a few friends with me. enough, really enough. contented. super extremely touched by a few gifts 2. and of cos, the very small, a few min of party I got in sch on 16th march. =)
1st gift of the day. from my fellow GAN! it's zhiyuan of cos! =) piglet floating around! soo cute and sweeet of him! =)
and so I got this from my class girls. cool ehh? they told me it's limited edition. and I just cant believe it. heh.
a PINK letter from yanjing.
a surprise sunflower from shirley. hahaha. and cos she dunno what 2 buy. never mind. love it, shirley. =p
I got a box of chocolate from regina. but she will never want me to put the pic online. hahahaha. shirley, regina and I know why. LOL. but still, I really appreciate that. =)
I got the pink 1 from wt on 2006 birthday. hahaha. from weiting boy and my section. with the cake. in addition of the surprise party. stupid! they lied 2 me! and I'm dumb 2 believe in it. walked SOOO fast 2 school! and ended up, just a pack of lies! hahaha. they r sweeeeet. yes. esp thong boyboy. LOVES. =)
from ting and yujia. hahaha. very comfortable and soft. lalala.
from.. ehh. better not say who. some1 special. =) this is Happiness. extremely meaningful. I'm super touched. and surprised when opened it. =))))))
N level CL distinction. hahaha. and we all love MSTOH! =)
14th march.
15th march. group photos.
and individual 1s. =)
silly shirley did this! =D
it's us. so happy together. hahahahaha. super random!
it's L O V E, can U see? heh. =)
of cos, I'm glad and appreciate 2 who ever wish me happy birthday. U guys still remembered! =) esp those pri sch friends. hahaha. thanks 4 calling 2! ahhh. touched. a few words meant a lot, a lot. =)))))
also, special thanks 2 marcus for treating me to Ichiban in advance a part of my birthday gift. heh. and not 4getting the doggie he gave me from SPCA. sooo cute! and cos I'm a SPCA supporter. =))) AND I LOVE ICHIBAN!! =p=p=p
Last to wish through sms.- 11.58pm Tan Yuan Chao.
First to wish through sms.- 12.01am Tan Wendy.
some wish after and before that, so not counted lahh. LOL.
12th March - HAPPY BIRTHDAY XINMING!!!
25th March - HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUJIA!!!!
30th March - HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEITING BOY!!!!
1st April - HAPPY BIRTHDAY fellow Gan ZHIYUAN!!!
I love you. I miss you so. sorry for being so cold to you. you know I never mean it. you know I still love you. I'm still the good girl
everything's so bit and pieces. but I'm missing everything.
and of cos, I love this pic soo much. I wanna show every1. LOL. this is when I haven got my hair cut. LOL. big diff lahh. my head seems soo light now! hahaha. =\
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