Tuesday, April 11, 2006
SWISS SERENADE 2006. MISSION COMPLETED!! 09042006. =)09042006.i'll never 4get this day. well, i told every1 i'll cry. how much i'll miss the band. well, i surprise myself by not crying. is it bcos i've grown stronger?? or i dun love the band at all?? guess the main reason is, cos i really enjoy being in the band. yes, 2 tell the truth, i did thought if quitting. n i hate band when iwas in sec 1. cos seniors weren't understanding enough. luckily, i'm not daring enough 2 tell the majors at that time. so i tolerate. n now, thought of it, if seniors weren't strict, i wun bcome who i m now. right?? i wun b able 2 play my part well. i wun b able 2 have a chance 2 b the SL, the BM. though i'm stress out at times. 1stlt, was sad cos i can't b the SL. well, that doesn't matter 2 me slowly. cos SL or not, i still care 4 my section, i still took them sectionals whenever i'm free. being a BM, an overall. it's shocking. surprise myself, my seniors, my ex seniors, my juniors. orhh well, maybe more 2 my seniors. they just couldn't believe it. since i'm 1. i decide 2 carry on. few months of leading. at times i'm tired. leaders do quarrelled among themselves. just that the cadets dun know. n i was sick of it cos i'm in the middle n everytime i gotta take the responsible. n i did collaspe. guess twice. but i stand upright again n again. cos that's a promise, a challenge. or rather, i dun wanna c the band collaspe bcos of me, dun wanna c her down. told myself, no matter how rough the road is, i gotta finish walking. i didn't expect it 2 b soo fast though. i still can remember how i can scolded. how i got screamed. how i walked away when i'm stress out. how i cried. yes, all in my mind now. flashing through. how i calm mr chew down. how i scold my section.
i wanna say sorry 2 my section. 4 not being there with them always. always need them 2 help me with my file n instru. i wanna say sorry 2 those who think i'm lousy in leading. well, maybe i m. but i'd tried. i'm sorry if i didn't do a gd job. i wanna thank my section. 4 bringing me laughter. though they know i'll get the most scolding, they try their best. at times i feel that my section wasn't united. but when i c how we smile, holding each other, i know the unity is still there. i wanna thank mr chew, 4 bringing the band 2 greater heights. wanna thank the TICs, esp ms seah, who always care n concern. wanna thank the band, 4 making me stronger. thank the MSGs who work along with me. i wanna apologise so much, wanna thank so much. everything, every1.
time files. i had pass out. well, wun b there 2 scold the tbone, they should b glad then. but i can't let go. i'm still worried about every1 i care. esp the majors, my section n her. that room contain 2 much memories. n on serenade itself, i regret. regret not taking photos with many people. but i did not regret helping out carrying stuffs here n there though sec 3s majors dun allow me 2. cos that's my last time. being a majors, ordering people. so since it's the last day, i wanna help them in everything. at concert, i played my very best. handling instru, i carried as many as possible. hugging them, i make sure i hugged them tight. i didn't cry. i dunno why. just a few drops. when mr chew talked 2 us. i did felt my eyes filled with tears. but i didn't cry out like how i used 2 b 2 yrs ago. that's horrible. =x i walked pass her, wonder how can i work with her again. wonder how can i know how she feels again. maybe i shan't b soo worry. cos that's twt. but i'm just worried.
i didn't stop missing every single thing. 2day, rushed 2 bandroom after ss remediation. can say that i'm dumb?! marc even trying 2 stop me from going. but i can't. when i stepped in, felt soo diff. saw a few crying, missing their seniors. well, i dunno. i stood outside, reading the programme booklet. my very own band. memories really flash through. how much i said, i can't express my feelings. was standing outside band room, looking at the shoes, how can it b like last time?! a lot n messy. looking things around me, how will it b like few yrs down. looking at teachers passed by me. asking me 2 go home rest. actually planned 2. but i stayed. cos i'm worried, i miss everything. i can't let go.
hey hey!! i played bass drum 2day. hope i can still play next time round.
*shan't say anymore. i really feel like crying now. i dunno why. i can't smile. missing 2 much. okie okie, shall stop b4 i burst in2 tears.
XIAOJUN loves SWISS WINDS.
HER.
EVERYTHING.
11:37:00 PM
