Thursday, March 31, 2005
asking me heart 1 day.. what r U actully thinking?? n it replied.. "orhx. i'm not 2 sure 2. life is 2 much 4 me 2 think. do what's right, xiaojun." n i nodded my head.
is some1 trying 2 make fun of me?? i was soo sleepy.. well, i know this is not the 1st time yeahx?? lolx. but this week is like.. soo many thing going on. DEAD~ seriously, i'm not living happily. i wast hurt. not those relationship hurt lahx. like.. i was dumb!! yes i m!! yesterday was helping madam tan carried chem books. n it's damn heavy. she wanted 2 go toilet so i told her i can manage. dun wanna her 2 carry 2.. later she injured how?? but i feel the pain on my hand. vein.. yucks!! i hate that part. n it hurts there. my left hand. then at night, realise i'm injured.. i feel soo restless around my palm there.. vein.. like, moving my hand, very pain.. then got blueblack.. hahax!! chem books cos all this!! hahax. no lahx.. well, then sean was chasing me n i tripped on the NPCC blardy bottle on the floor n my LEFT hand banged on2 the edge of a table.. hahax! yes, LEFT hand!! blueblack again.. then sean was keep beating me all that. what's wrong with him?? i dunno lahx. then no matter what i do also cannot stop him. dun wish 2 entertain him anyway. hahahx!! n yes, my LEFT arm.. hahahx!! stupid right?? ermx.. what have i done?? m i a failure being a human?? guess so. i hope i can help. n yes, u can ask me 4 help, if i can, i will. dun wish 2 c people around me unhappy 2. but what if, i make things worst?? hahax!! well, m i wrong 2 do this?? i did ask myself.. friendship.. soo troublesome. 2 trust or not 2 trust some1?? i trust them. they dun mean what they say 2 me. m i wrong 2 trust them?? but i still concern about them. so what if i'm cheated?? they r still my friends.. i did nothing, but i feel hurt. i' m paranoid, yes i m.. it will b soo much better if i dun care about any1, dun care about anything, n do my way?? will that b better?? soo many question marks yeahx?? r they still my friends?? i really dunno. i'm coughing right now.. why??? soo sudden man. n iwas feeling sick this whole week. suddenly stomachache, suddenly cold, suddenly this n that. m i going 2 faint?? n what if i m, will any1 care?? will any1 bother?? will any1 visit?? hahax. what m i thinking?? i'm talking rot.
once again, i asked my heart.. "what do U want 2 b??" n it told me.."i want 2 b myself. think right, do right. even people hated U, as long as U know it's right, go 4 it." but my brain replied.."i dunno.." =/
11:08:00 PM
