Thursday, March 31, 2005
asking me heart 1 day.. what r U actully thinking?? n it replied.. "orhx. i'm not 2 sure 2. life is 2 much 4 me 2 think. do what's right, xiaojun." n i nodded my head.
is some1 trying 2 make fun of me?? i was soo sleepy.. well, i know this is not the 1st time yeahx?? lolx. but this week is like.. soo many thing going on. DEAD~ seriously, i'm not living happily. i wast hurt. not those relationship hurt lahx. like.. i was dumb!! yes i m!! yesterday was helping madam tan carried chem books. n it's damn heavy. she wanted 2 go toilet so i told her i can manage. dun wanna her 2 carry 2.. later she injured how?? but i feel the pain on my hand. vein.. yucks!! i hate that part. n it hurts there. my left hand. then at night, realise i'm injured.. i feel soo restless around my palm there.. vein.. like, moving my hand, very pain.. then got blueblack.. hahax!! chem books cos all this!! hahax. no lahx.. well, then sean was chasing me n i tripped on the NPCC blardy bottle on the floor n my LEFT hand banged on2 the edge of a table.. hahax! yes, LEFT hand!! blueblack again.. then sean was keep beating me all that. what's wrong with him?? i dunno lahx. then no matter what i do also cannot stop him. dun wish 2 entertain him anyway. hahahx!! n yes, my LEFT arm.. hahahx!! stupid right?? ermx.. what have i done?? m i a failure being a human?? guess so. i hope i can help. n yes, u can ask me 4 help, if i can, i will. dun wish 2 c people around me unhappy 2. but what if, i make things worst?? hahax!! well, m i wrong 2 do this?? i did ask myself.. friendship.. soo troublesome. 2 trust or not 2 trust some1?? i trust them. they dun mean what they say 2 me. m i wrong 2 trust them?? but i still concern about them. so what if i'm cheated?? they r still my friends.. i did nothing, but i feel hurt. i' m paranoid, yes i m.. it will b soo much better if i dun care about any1, dun care about anything, n do my way?? will that b better?? soo many question marks yeahx?? r they still my friends?? i really dunno. i'm coughing right now.. why??? soo sudden man. n iwas feeling sick this whole week. suddenly stomachache, suddenly cold, suddenly this n that. m i going 2 faint?? n what if i m, will any1 care?? will any1 bother?? will any1 visit?? hahax. what m i thinking?? i'm talking rot.
once again, i asked my heart.. "what do U want 2 b??" n it told me.."i want 2 b myself. think right, do right. even people hated U, as long as U know it's right, go 4 it." but my brain replied.."i dunno.." =/
11:08:00 PM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
blogger. a place where U can say everything out. a place where U dare 2 say things out. a place 2 say all ur true feelings n ur thoughts. =)
the jewellery box-
it's meaningful. 4 me. i put the orange heart bear keychain inside instead of puting all my wrist band. as i open, i can look at those memories. the letter, it's inside 2. love 2 listen 2 the music. musical jewellery box. a really lovely 1. it's in pink, soo sweet. although it's not in blue or orange, but i really love it. yes, it's true. =)
the planner-
it's really an expensive 1. that time was at popular walking around. wish 2 buy that but it's really 2 ex. but now, i got it. i will make gd use of it. was fliping the planner yesterday night. n was wondering. why is that some pencil ink?? hahax~ 15th march. she wrote something on it. soo cute!! hahax!! n the piglet sticker. lolx~ =D
the huggie card-
it's simple but nice. sweet. i want 2 help U. i'm willing 2. i wanna do a gd job, i will work 4 it. i dun wanna b sad anymore. i'll b happy, i'll b real happy. if U r happy 2. *touched. =)
the purple mug-
that's a mug, that i'll never use, or anything. just wanna put it on my table, n look at it whenever i'm studying. =p
the trinket box-
a very unique 1. well, dunno what 2 put in that small area. will smile whenever looking at it. like, that's a hope. =D
the billabong pencil case-
what m i suppose 2 say?? i will never use that, okie!! i dun wanna dirty it. or even let my friend throw it or play it all around. cos they usually will play with my pencil case. finally found out something. it's all in purple colour. hahax~ well, i only put the art pencils inside. the 1 she gave that time. i haven even use it. i dun wanna. hahax~ = o
the card-
the card is like.. when open it, i'll go."wahx!!" like compo. hahahx!! really touched bahx. i will work hard in studies. i wun slack anymore. i will really study like hell, till i die. hehex!! =D
the winne n piglet pillow-
hahax. this is a very funny thing i got. shared by 8 people!! cool?? put it on my study chair. actually it's place on my bed de. but soo many pillow 4 what?? so put on my chair bahx. it's a thing that i will laugh when looking at it. like all the 8 people r waving at me n asking me 2 smile. hehex~ =p
i'm smiling. i m. but sometimes i think i've 4gotten how 2. i feel the happiness. i can feel it.
i place all these around me. cos i'll sure study or draw using that table n chair. when is it on it now, it's a diff feeling. last time, it's a stress feeling. but still have 2 study. now, i feel happiness. i put the mug, trinket box, biallbong pencil case, cards, jewellery box n planner on my table. winne n piglet pillow on my chair. hehex!! i'll b happy. =]
9:39:00 PM
Friday, March 18, 2005
stunned. blank. i was totally blank. just like a gun just shot U. but i'm trying. trying very hard 2 endure. but what can i do 2 all this?? i din know that i must n suppose 2 do that but.. it had all happened. huishi asked why it's always me. yahx, me. why?? dunno lahx. just me lorx. yujia said it's wasn't all my fault. but it wasn't me, then who?? i was utterly disappointed by myself. hate myself 4 being soo dumb. i thought i can.. i.. haiyax. it's past. what can i do?? my promises. haix. gone gone n gone. when can i do a better job then?? =______(
2day was a bz day. just soo bz. eat the damn chicken cup noodles 4 lunch. eww~ so much msg. dun anyhow eat lorx. then running here n there. trombone section sound better. glad 4 them. WE R BETTERERER!! like what mrs chin always said.."betterer!!" =
sis, must take care!! get well soon!! =)
11:23:00 PM
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
okie. it's my bday 2day.
hahax!! guess 2day is the best day i every had. like.. soo surprising. those i dunno de also happened 2 call me n wish me happy bday. really touched.
got band 2day. soo sian. cannot go celebrate lorx. then 1st thing when i step in, sis gave me something.. hehex!! then people like pushing me all around.. lolx~ then like this n like that.. then same lorx. gotta take attendance all that. got full band with mr chew. we kanna scolding again. trombone section, trombone section n trombone section. *sobx. then sec 1 s outside just can't keep quiet so i was asked 2 fall them in n take attendance. they r still not sure about their drill lorx. then i keep trying hard 2 teach them all by myself. then gotta go 4 course le. mr chew let us off late. n i can't take my present home!! only got my sis de. cos it can b put in bag mahx. then running here n there.. got wishes from lots of people again. yun wanna pass me present but i was 2 rush le.. hahax!! sorry. then in the mrt, was soo boring!! just couldn't mix around with them n i was soo sleepy 2. dun feel like going 2 the course lorx, it's kinda boring. U know, we gotta walk a long way 2 the ncc hq!! n we were rushing like hell.. n people were complaining.. some walk soo slow.. hahahx~ like go shopping.. then learn how 2 b a leader actually. a gd 1. then take out rank all that stuffs. n times flies. we gotta go 4 dinner 2gether again. actaully i dun wanna go 1 but they pull mein the mrt. so i went with them. go eat BK. then all like seperate le. in the end only left vanessa, natassia, zhi hao, nazri, shirley n me. vanessa keep wanting 2 buy the cake. n i got nothing 2 say. touched?? hahx. then got 2 slice of cake!! hehehx. should have share with them lahx.. then i went home. marcus asked me 2 meet him 4 the present. so i met him after my dinner at home. eat some. then he gave me a world peace tee. wOo~ cool!! 2day is really special. not cos of my bday it's cos i got wishes from lots of people n i'm really happy. hope i'm happy a long then. present from sis is really a great 1!! love it man. maybe cos it's given by her?? hahahx!! well, love everything my friends give lahx. thx, all my friends.
soo fast. 150305. passed.. lolx!! i'm 15!! well, that day will b my memory, i'll cherish. i'll remember it.
never 4get 2 say, derrick n sean was soo lame. called me at 12 am!! hahax!! pei pei mian, wan wan mian n yi tong mian!! hahahx!! they should get it. well, it's a joy talking 2 them n typing online with my sis.. hehhex!! well, it's been such a long time since i ever chat with derrick 4 soo long again. slept at 2 plus lorx.
now i gotta say.."happy bday 2 ya happy bday 2 ya happy bday 2 jeremy happy bday 2 ya." jeremy leong i mean.. hehehx!! jeremy ng's bday still long.. =x
promise 2 put in all my effort in whatever i do. esp in band. n studies. wun disappoint U all. this i promise. =)
11:56:00 PM
Saturday, March 12, 2005
problems will always b there 4 human 2 slove them.
got back my results. ehx, din really do well.. i flunked 2 of my subjectd. math n sci. yahx, the sub i hate most. but gotta like sci last yr le. now diff teacher, diff feeling 2 sci. chem was still alright cos i'm interested. but phy, haix. will still work 4 that then. math hopefully i can get 60 plus, i'll b rolling on the floor laughing le. well, life is soo painful. i dunno what's going on. i got a very strong feeling that i'm fainting anytime. n a feeling of.. a heavy load had just bang on ur body. can't stand up anymore. but i'm struggling. friendship is quite a big problem 4 me nowadays. wasn't soo happy like last time anymore. friends who always say."i always treat U as close friend." r not close 2 me anymore. n they've changed. or i'm changing?? i feel soo hurt n pain inside me. like, friends dun trust me n treat me as friend at all. i'm just like a stupid dumb who trust n believe in friends soo easily~ i'm smiling, but is my smile geniune??
band. hahax. got more things up 4 me 2 handle. humans must learn 2 handle things yeahx?? i'm trying my best bahx. but maybe still room 4 improvement. sun having a performance, n sec 3s gonan take charge. what can i say?? anxious. my 1st time.. argh. hope hanliang vanessa n me will b doing a great job then. although band always makes me soo stress up, cos i dun think i'm 1 of them. always the last 2 know the news. n gotta hand up last min work again. SURE KANNA SCOLDING!! hahahx. i'm trying.. trying n trying.. =hey hey, U know i found something interesting.. i think i'm just like electron. negatively charge. hehehx!!
sorry 4 not giving U a direct ans as i dun wish 2 disappoint U. i can't confirm my ability 2. i dun wish 2 regret. unless i do a 100% gd work, if not i wun dare 2 say yes. sorry 4 that then.
12:09:00 AM
